Ever held back your criticism during a crucial conversation? Maybe someone asked for feedback on a project, paper, or presentation, and you had reservations you didn’t feel comfortable sharing.
You may have given 90 percent of your opinion, but withheld “the last 10 percent”.
Sharing 90 percent should be sufficient, right? Well, it turns out the last 10 percent could make the difference in their success or failure.
Sharing feedback is tough. But, the ability to share and receive the last 10 percent transforms us into our most authentic selves.
Put yourself in this scenario to understand how the last 10 percent works:
You’re with your best friend, Amy. You and Amy have been friends for 40 years. She’s always honest with you and your relationship has a high level of safety.
One day Amy has come along with you to attend your son’s basketball game. Your son is already at the stadium. On the way Amy leans over and says, “Can I give you some feedback?”
“Sure!” you reply.
Amy hesitates and asks, “Are you aware of how you’re interacting with the officials at your son’s basketball games?
“I’ve made a few comments, but nothing…”
“You’ve made more than a few comments.”
You continue to drive, not saying anything.
After a while, Amy asks, “Have we gone to ‘silence’?” Remembering her Crucial Conversations Training.
“Yes… but this is challenging, who said something to you?”
“Your son.”
Ultimately, you come to the last 10 percent.
Amy asks, “Do you want your son to cringe when they see you come to their games?”
What profound effect does that question have on you?
How to Share and Receive the Last 10 Percent of Feedback
Henry Cloud tells us, “It is a paradox of life that the less we look at our shortcomings, the more others do.”
Here’s my challenge to you:
- Look for someone who needs your feedback.
- Seek feedback from someone else.
First, ask yourself, “From whom am I withholding the last 10 percent? Am I withholding their future?” Then, consider how to make your environment safe enough to share this information and profoundly impact their lives.
Then, challenge yourself to become vulnerable enough to speak up to your boss, “What’s it like to work with me?” Or to ask your spouse, “What’s it like living with me?”
Who do you need to talk with? Who do you need to listen to?
Sharing feedback is about having authentic relationships. When we aren’t talking about real issues, we don’t have authentic relationships.
When you seek, get, and use feedback, you become an authentic person with authentic relationships who reaps authentic results.
