Stop Selling Out — You Can Do Better!
At some point, we’ve all chosen to do what we feel like doing rather than doing what’s right. It’s human nature. But that’s not what we really want — for ourselves, our coworkers, or our employees.
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At some point, we’ve all chosen to do what we feel like doing rather than doing what’s right. It’s human nature. But that’s not what we really want — for ourselves, our coworkers, or our employees.
Our personal choices don’t always make a difference in how much we eat or how we work. Sometimes it’s the way our lives are structured. Sometimes, to change behaviour, we have to change the structure.
When we strive for change, we can’t just modify any random behaviour. We need to change the vital behaviour that carries disproportionate impact on our success. Finding that vital behaviour is the key to our success.
The best influencers focus on changing behaviours of disproportionate influence. These are VITAL behaviours. If you want your results to change, you have to change the behaviours that have the most leverage in accomplishing your goal.
Goals are great — but they’re not what drives change. If we hope to achieve the goals we set, we have to change behaviour.
People say “talk is cheap.” They’re wrong. Our words can make a difference in the actions that matter. Our willingness (and ability) to have crucial conversations impacts our results and relationships.
Emotions are hard to understand — especially in others. But, the more we understand feelings, the better we can respond. When we understand emotions and respond intentionally, our relationships improve — professional and personal.
Wish people would do what you needed them to? With better skills to influence, maybe you could get that loud co-worker to quiet down or another co-worker to meet their deadlines. Here’s how:
90% of our communication is routine, regular, and casual. And we do really well at it! But what about the other 10%? These are the conversations that aren’t regular, routine, or casual. And this is where people melt-down.
We’re emotional creatures — we’re hardwired that way. But we’re not hardwired to know what to do about all those feelings. That’s where Emotional Intelligence (EQ) comes in. Raising your EQ changes the way you see yourself, the people around you, and the way you go about your work, particularly in HR.
We all could pick at least one behaviour we’d change — especially in someone else. So, what would it be? And how would you influence that change? Don’t assume you know why people do what they do. There are more sources of influence than you may realise. Once we recognise our influences, we find change that lasts.
We stink at influencing ourselves. When we say influence — or the power to change — we define it as the ability to change our own behaviour or the behaviour of others. That’s a powerful concept if we can really grasp it. So, how do we change ourselves — and why aren’t we better at it?
If someone doesn’t want to talk with you, they won’t. Even if you were to practise every skill we teach in Crucial Conversations exactly the way we tell you to do it, you can’t force someone to open up. But if you persist, the other person almost always will join you — even if it takes some time.
Improving your conversation skills doesn’t require years of intense training. Even learning just one Crucial Conversations skill can transform the way you communicate with others!
After 30 years of Crucial Conversations, we’re still finding new ways to use these skills in everyday life. Here are two of the biggest lessons we’ve learned in the past decade.
Learn the skills to hold tough conversations successfully.
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